ROLLER COASTER...

Ok - yesterday was my appointment to find out all the details and if I COULD go on with IVF. First...we had to drive 2 and a half hours away and our appointment is at 10am. SO DH and for the first time so far get on our way without arguing (we are not morning people) and on time. He wanted to stop at Mc Donalds and said he didn't want to hear me bitch about being late so he was in the car before me for once ;). I did have to laugh that he was that determined to get McD's.. so we get to Johnson City and I take a wrong turn...after minutes of FRUSTRATION... ARGUING... arggg..we get back on track...get to the hospital at exactly 9:59! Yeahhhh...1 min early.

10am I sign in and we take our seats with our usual magazines. Within minutes I get called... HOLY SHIT! this is a first, we usually wait forever. So I grab my stuff and the nurse says - you don't need that, I just need to talk to you. So I go back and you will not believe what she says.......what are you here for today? I look at her like WTF...and she said well what procedure are you expecting. I said YOU called me and said I needed to come this week, I've been waiting since before Christmas and YOU don't know why I'm here? I need my results, I need a SonoHSG... so she says alright, I'll talk to the dr. So back out to the chair with the trusty mag. Half hour later, my name called again. I grab my stuff but once again hear, no need to bring that, we just need you for a min. I get back there and they hand me three Motrin "in case" the dr can do the Sonoultrasound. OK... I take the three, go back out. While waiting I did learn some interesting sex moves from Cosmo...DH also read them with a smile and informed me that he deserved one when we got back home. 11am. STILL waiting..... getting very irritated and thinking... I'm done here! I've had a bad morning, I've sat here over an hour and they didn't even know why I was here???? WTF! I'm not a nice person right now, I've gone through more ups and downs in the last couple months, I quit smoking, I quit taking Zoloft. They are lucky I don't run back there and starting kicking everyone (it was the less crazy sounding thing - kicking) ;).... FINALLY...

They call my name again.. this time I ask...can I bring my stuff this time?She said yes, the dr would like to talk to you now. So DH and I walk back to his office.

How the conversation begins: Well, you need four things for a successful pregnancy - 1. Egg, 2. Sperm, 3., Uterus, 4. Fallopian Tubes. The only thing you have going for you is your DH sperm. All three are bad, if it wasn't for bad luck you wouldn't have any luck. OK. Don't say this shit to a woman on the verge to go completely insane! seriously!!!! then he looked up at me and smiled. OK, normally, I would have imagined myself jumping over the table, grabbing his head and punching him (yes, i don't care how bad this sounds.. .... eff off.. go through what the rest of us infertile women go through and THEN judge...). But I didn't, for some reason his smile and the way he looked at me gave me comfort that everything was going to be okay. He started with the tubes: Obviously, these are damaged. Eggs: My FSH level was high, but my age is my friend right now and we will just need to adjust the protocol to fit this. Uterus: we will do the SonoHSG to check the issue there. Sperm: no problemo! OK - I'm feeling a little better at this point. After MUCH discussion we move to the room where the probe violates you! DH and I go into the room, I do the usual - you know, strip from waist down and sit on the dang table..waiting! Of course DH kept saying "your ass is hanging out"... I said... omg, who cares! he is about to go up the crotch! So our conversation while waiting for RE: DH, I really hope this is good, if he said "oh no" when he looks at the monitor I'm taking a cab home. RE finally comes in, does an internal ultrasound first, checks out the suspicious "double uterus/fibroid" location...then on to the procedure. I'll post about pain between Sono/Hysto later. We see the unknown object in me... a FIBROID...but the best news ever... it is NOT in the cavity, it is NOT touching the uterus wall. OMG.. .I had to hold back the tears right there! I haven't had GOOD news in a LONG time, and I am going to cherish any good news I get! So... with this, I have a new IVF protocol.
SHORT - NO Lupron! I'm going to be doing Aggressive STIMS due to my FSH Level! I call the day I start AF, start meds the day I go (within three days of AF) and within 15 days we will be complete! HOLY Shiiizzzaaaaaa... all these ups and downs and road blocks...and now it's happening! The normal ride home from the clinic is crying, today is the same,...although not a sad cry! everytime I think that this is truly happening... i am starting IVF i start to cry. I have to say I truly think that Jan 4th 2008 has been the best day of my life. Just a little glimpse of hope... and to know that I'll be moving on and by Feb I could be pregnant! WOW...