It’s so weird going through this right now. After four ectopics, I became “numb” while going through the stages from finding out I was pregnant, to confirming it was an ectopic, to either surgery or other means to end the ectopic. While finding out I was pregnant, I was always happy, then onto the hospital visits every other day to find out if my hCG levels were doubling. This stage is when I felt numb. I never got used to hearing the bad news nightly, but I was prepared for it as hard as it was. During the whole time I had no emotion, I knew it was bad, but I always hoped. Then the point when it is definitely an ectopic and we need to do something about it. This is when I would break down, cry constantly and go through surgery or shots until my levels were down to “not pregnant”. Then I would go in a fog until the next one.
Now I’m going through IVF. It seemed like when we made the first step and actually started on this process I was happy. Then bad news after bad news during the diagnostics brought my high down to the very lowest. Here I was finally getting to do the one and only way I’ll ever get pregnant, and there are more problems other than my tubes. I started to get numb after many nights of crying and feeling the same emotions that I have before. Now I’m going every other day for blood work and u/s. This reminds me so much from going to get bw every day while pregnant and NOT getting good news. Up until yesterday I was numb again, but then yesterday I got good news. I think it is the first time I have ever gotten GOOD news from a doctor when it relates to pregnancy. I cried, I cried all day yesterday. Every time I think of him saying “your uterus is excellent”, you’ve got more eggs, everything is looking good I cry. I just can’t believe things are good and we are finally at this point.
My bw is coming back good and my uterus lining is “excellent” (how many times can I say that to myself.. something is EXCELLENT)…
So now, we are doing the trigger shot Wednesday, ER Friday and ET on Monday! Now I am beyond excited. I just HOPE and PRAY everything works! I’m not ready for a LOW again, but I’m not naive either and I do know this whole process is a 50/50 chance…But I’m thinking GOOD thoughts!
PS – if anyone can tell me about the ER procedure I would appreciate it! I am so nervous about it, my clinic doesn’t use IVs or put you out, I just get some drugs.. YIKES