Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Deja vu

It’s so weird going through this right now. After four ectopics, I became “numb” while going through the stages from finding out I was pregnant, to confirming it was an ectopic, to either surgery or other means to end the ectopic. While finding out I was pregnant, I was always happy, then onto the hospital visits every other day to find out if my hCG levels were doubling. This stage is when I felt numb. I never got used to hearing the bad news nightly, but I was prepared for it as hard as it was. During the whole time I had no emotion, I knew it was bad, but I always hoped. Then the point when it is definitely an ectopic and we need to do something about it. This is when I would break down, cry constantly and go through surgery or shots until my levels were down to “not pregnant”. Then I would go in a fog until the next one.

Now I’m going through IVF. It seemed like when we made the first step and actually started on this process I was happy. Then bad news after bad news during the diagnostics brought my high down to the very lowest. Here I was finally getting to do the one and only way I’ll ever get pregnant, and there are more problems other than my tubes. I started to get numb after many nights of crying and feeling the same emotions that I have before. Now I’m going every other day for blood work and u/s. This reminds me so much from going to get bw every day while pregnant and NOT getting good news. Up until yesterday I was numb again, but then yesterday I got good news. I think it is the first time I have ever gotten GOOD news from a doctor when it relates to pregnancy. I cried, I cried all day yesterday. Every time I think of him saying “your uterus is excellent”, you’ve got more eggs, everything is looking good I cry. I just can’t believe things are good and we are finally at this point.

My bw is coming back good and my uterus lining is “excellent” (how many times can I say that to myself.. something is EXCELLENT)…

So now, we are doing the trigger shot Wednesday, ER Friday and ET on Monday! Now I am beyond excited. I just HOPE and PRAY everything works! I’m not ready for a LOW again, but I’m not naive either and I do know this whole process is a 50/50 chance…But I’m thinking GOOD thoughts!

PS – if anyone can tell me about the ER procedure I would appreciate it! I am so nervous about it, my clinic doesn’t use IVs or put you out, I just get some drugs.. YIKES


Maria said...

It sounds like you've been through so much, that it's understandable to hold back your feelings.

I'm so glad that everything it looking good and your uterus is excellent. Soon enough you'll be in your 2WW.

Denise said...

Good luck with your trigger tomorrow! Our clinic does use general anesthesia (through an IV) for ER's, so I'm not sure if your experience will be the same as mine.

We got to the clinic and after waiting awhile, I was brought back into the surgery center to change into a gown and paper footies. They hooked me up to machines to monitor vitals (blood pressure, heart rate), and then put the IV in. The anesthesiologist stopped by to discuss any concerns and the RE also stopped by. Then they wheeled me back to the surgery room. DH then went to make his deposit.

I remember helping them put my legs into the stirrups and then I was out. Next thing I knew, I was waking up in recovery. The nurses were right there and I remember telling one of them that I had to pee. She said that the doctor had drained my bladder during the procedure, so I didn't really have to go--it just felt like it (weird). I felt a little cramping and mentioned it to the nurse and they gave me some pain meds through the IV along with fluids. They had me sit up after about 30 minutes and snack on some crackers and apple juice (had choice of water, juice, ginger ale).

While I was snacking, the embryologist stopped by to let us know how many eggs they had retrieved. After about an hour, I was allowed to get dressed. They wheeled me outside in a wheel chair and DH drove me home.

I felt pretty good afterward until the car ride home. The longer we drove, the more nauseated I felt. The second we got home, I ran inside and vomited. I think this was just a reaction from the anesthesia and I don't have the strongest stomach. The rest of the day I just laid in bed and didn't feel too bad.

The next couple of days were horrible for me as I had OHSS and got very dehydrated. Anyway, I knew I was at risk for it going in and we didn't transfer because of it (which we also knew before the ER). You would know by now if you were at risk.

I do remember being very anxious the morning of the ER and I told every person I saw how nervous I was. It really wasn't as big of a deal as I was expecting (other than the OHSS side effects). If you have any concerns, make sure you talk to a nurse or the RE beforehand and get all of your questions answered.

(sorry this was so long).

Rebecca said...

GOLD STAR for your uterus!

My clinic put us out (thank God...sorry for you), but the aftermath was just crampy, tired, and wanted to sit around a lot. The good news? You'll get your eggs out, your ovaries will go back to normal size, they'll give you some pain relievers, and you get some ass time. The bad news? You'll cramp and sleep a lot...I thought I'd get caught up on all of my TV and reading...no such luck!

Great luck with everything and keep us posted!

Duck said...

Isn't it amazing when someone compliments your uterus and you feel like telling the world! I was the same way, they told me once that my lining looked good, and I was like wow, first time ever that i met the silver rod and had some good news!

I have not had an ER yet, but if they offer drugs, take lots of them (at least that is what everyone has been telling me).