Well I went today and picked up the drug store! I am starting out with Menopur - taking five vials so they can start me out high and reduce if needed. My baseline is good (whatever all those numbers mean) the only thing I heard was my FSH level went from 10 to 8.1 today. He did say that was better. I have no idea what all this means... but I sure am getting a quick education in all this! Worse than the injection tonight was having to write the check this morning for the meds and IVF. I can't believe insurance doesn't cover this ..... mine covers Viagra but not fertility drugs.... wtf! okay, that was my one bitch for the day because today was a pretty good day! It was soo exciting starting today - getting all the drugs - getting my schedule! Now I just hope and pray everything works.
Injection - my stung for a bit but that was it! DH took FOREVER injecting, he was soo nervous (not as much as I was though). I am red in the area too..oh well, it's worth it in the end.
Good luck to everyone else going through this... I'm glad I made my way here to meet you all! :)
Monday, January 7, 2008
Sunday, January 6, 2008
First meds appointment
Is tomorrow morning at 8:30. Is it normal to be excited and scared at the same time? I've been waiting so long for this. It's weird how it is finally here but I can't quit being worried that this isn't going to work. I need to just think positive but it's hard to. I wish I could just be happy and not worry about anything else.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Lovely AF
AF is here... that means I call tomorrow am to go back to start my Stims....i'm effin EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
Emotions...
I don't think anyone that has not gone through this or going though this can possible understand the emotions we go through. I have been waiting for years to do IVF after four ectopics. I always heard/knew/held hope that I could do IVF and would have NO problems. Deep inside though I was scared of starting. I was so scared that it wouldn't work and then what, I would have NO hope. I had to listen to people say, Just do IVF - what is drinking and partying more fun - what are you waiting for. I always made up an excuse... money, wanted to have fun (come on...get the eff out... I wanted a baby more than anything), had to finish school etc. but the truth is I was scared. I did NOT want to go to a clinic and find out that I had more problems other than my tubes. Well, when I decided to do IVF this year, the first appointment was fine. He said "perfect candidate", I was what IVF was made for - people with blocked tubes. So I was on the highest of highs. Well then testing started and the biggest fear for the last 7+ years came true. It wasn't just my tubes, I had all other problems to. I not only cried with disappointment, but also it was something I was scared of for YEARS and here it was in my face. Why me? So, even though I have all these odds against me, I have to try ONE time to see. I have to play to win, and if I don't play once I will never know. And we have adjusted the IVF protocol completely to fit my many problems...and I am going to hope and think positive for the next month! Now it's just waiting for AF...never thought I would WANT AF to come :)
Important dates...
2007
Inital Consut: Oct 4th
HSG: Oct 25th
IVF Consult: Nov 27th
Family Phs: Nov 30th- quit Zoloft
Quit Smoking: Dev 10th
IVF Appointment: Dec 11th: Testing, sperm, fsh, estrogen, ultrasound.
Once we got to ultrasound, got bad newz - either double uterus or fibroid
IVF: Dev 17th, called to get results. Good news, HSG looks normal, will need to come back for Sono to check issue with uterus. Bad News, FSH Level is too high, 10.1. Make appointment for week of Jan 3rd.
OK - between Dec 17th and Jan 3 is the LONGEST, Most excruciating wait of my freaking life!! Just FYI :)
2008! FINALLY
IVF: Jan 4th ... GOT the GO Ahead. Previous post has ALL the details :)... I've never been sooooo happy in my life. Scared too though, I know the odds of this working the first time, but I have hope! I pray it works! PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEE work!!!
Inital Consut: Oct 4th
HSG: Oct 25th
IVF Consult: Nov 27th
Family Phs: Nov 30th- quit Zoloft
Quit Smoking: Dev 10th
IVF Appointment: Dec 11th: Testing, sperm, fsh, estrogen, ultrasound.
Once we got to ultrasound, got bad newz - either double uterus or fibroid
IVF: Dev 17th, called to get results. Good news, HSG looks normal, will need to come back for Sono to check issue with uterus. Bad News, FSH Level is too high, 10.1. Make appointment for week of Jan 3rd.
OK - between Dec 17th and Jan 3 is the LONGEST, Most excruciating wait of my freaking life!! Just FYI :)
2008! FINALLY
IVF: Jan 4th ... GOT the GO Ahead. Previous post has ALL the details :)... I've never been sooooo happy in my life. Scared too though, I know the odds of this working the first time, but I have hope! I pray it works! PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEE work!!!
ROLLER COASTER...
Ok - yesterday was my appointment to find out all the details and if I COULD go on with IVF. First...we had to drive 2 and a half hours away and our appointment is at 10am. SO DH and for the first time so far get on our way without arguing (we are not morning people) and on time. He wanted to stop at Mc Donalds and said he didn't want to hear me bitch about being late so he was in the car before me for once ;). I did have to laugh that he was that determined to get McD's.. so we get to Johnson City and I take a wrong turn...after minutes of FRUSTRATION... ARGUING... arggg..we get back on track...get to the hospital at exactly 9:59! Yeahhhh...1 min early.
10am I sign in and we take our seats with our usual magazines. Within minutes I get called... HOLY SHIT! this is a first, we usually wait forever. So I grab my stuff and the nurse says - you don't need that, I just need to talk to you. So I go back and you will not believe what she says.......what are you here for today? I look at her like WTF...and she said well what procedure are you expecting. I said YOU called me and said I needed to come this week, I've been waiting since before Christmas and YOU don't know why I'm here? I need my results, I need a SonoHSG... so she says alright, I'll talk to the dr. So back out to the chair with the trusty mag. Half hour later, my name called again. I grab my stuff but once again hear, no need to bring that, we just need you for a min. I get back there and they hand me three Motrin "in case" the dr can do the Sonoultrasound. OK... I take the three, go back out. While waiting I did learn some interesting sex moves from Cosmo...DH also read them with a smile and informed me that he deserved one when we got back home. 11am. STILL waiting..... getting very irritated and thinking... I'm done here! I've had a bad morning, I've sat here over an hour and they didn't even know why I was here???? WTF! I'm not a nice person right now, I've gone through more ups and downs in the last couple months, I quit smoking, I quit taking Zoloft. They are lucky I don't run back there and starting kicking everyone (it was the less crazy sounding thing - kicking) ;).... FINALLY...
They call my name again.. this time I ask...can I bring my stuff this time?She said yes, the dr would like to talk to you now. So DH and I walk back to his office.
How the conversation begins: Well, you need four things for a successful pregnancy - 1. Egg, 2. Sperm, 3., Uterus, 4. Fallopian Tubes. The only thing you have going for you is your DH sperm. All three are bad, if it wasn't for bad luck you wouldn't have any luck. OK. Don't say this shit to a woman on the verge to go completely insane! seriously!!!! then he looked up at me and smiled. OK, normally, I would have imagined myself jumping over the table, grabbing his head and punching him (yes, i don't care how bad this sounds.. .... eff off.. go through what the rest of us infertile women go through and THEN judge...). But I didn't, for some reason his smile and the way he looked at me gave me comfort that everything was going to be okay. He started with the tubes: Obviously, these are damaged. Eggs: My FSH level was high, but my age is my friend right now and we will just need to adjust the protocol to fit this. Uterus: we will do the SonoHSG to check the issue there. Sperm: no problemo! OK - I'm feeling a little better at this point. After MUCH discussion we move to the room where the probe violates you! DH and I go into the room, I do the usual - you know, strip from waist down and sit on the dang table..waiting! Of course DH kept saying "your ass is hanging out"... I said... omg, who cares! he is about to go up the crotch! So our conversation while waiting for RE: DH, I really hope this is good, if he said "oh no" when he looks at the monitor I'm taking a cab home. RE finally comes in, does an internal ultrasound first, checks out the suspicious "double uterus/fibroid" location...then on to the procedure. I'll post about pain between Sono/Hysto later. We see the unknown object in me... a FIBROID...but the best news ever... it is NOT in the cavity, it is NOT touching the uterus wall. OMG.. .I had to hold back the tears right there! I haven't had GOOD news in a LONG time, and I am going to cherish any good news I get! So... with this, I have a new IVF protocol.
SHORT - NO Lupron! I'm going to be doing Aggressive STIMS due to my FSH Level! I call the day I start AF, start meds the day I go (within three days of AF) and within 15 days we will be complete! HOLY Shiiizzzaaaaaa... all these ups and downs and road blocks...and now it's happening! The normal ride home from the clinic is crying, today is the same,...although not a sad cry! everytime I think that this is truly happening... i am starting IVF i start to cry. I have to say I truly think that Jan 4th 2008 has been the best day of my life. Just a little glimpse of hope... and to know that I'll be moving on and by Feb I could be pregnant! WOW...
10am I sign in and we take our seats with our usual magazines. Within minutes I get called... HOLY SHIT! this is a first, we usually wait forever. So I grab my stuff and the nurse says - you don't need that, I just need to talk to you. So I go back and you will not believe what she says.......what are you here for today? I look at her like WTF...and she said well what procedure are you expecting. I said YOU called me and said I needed to come this week, I've been waiting since before Christmas and YOU don't know why I'm here? I need my results, I need a SonoHSG... so she says alright, I'll talk to the dr. So back out to the chair with the trusty mag. Half hour later, my name called again. I grab my stuff but once again hear, no need to bring that, we just need you for a min. I get back there and they hand me three Motrin "in case" the dr can do the Sonoultrasound. OK... I take the three, go back out. While waiting I did learn some interesting sex moves from Cosmo...DH also read them with a smile and informed me that he deserved one when we got back home. 11am. STILL waiting..... getting very irritated and thinking... I'm done here! I've had a bad morning, I've sat here over an hour and they didn't even know why I was here???? WTF! I'm not a nice person right now, I've gone through more ups and downs in the last couple months, I quit smoking, I quit taking Zoloft. They are lucky I don't run back there and starting kicking everyone (it was the less crazy sounding thing - kicking) ;).... FINALLY...
They call my name again.. this time I ask...can I bring my stuff this time?She said yes, the dr would like to talk to you now. So DH and I walk back to his office.
How the conversation begins: Well, you need four things for a successful pregnancy - 1. Egg, 2. Sperm, 3., Uterus, 4. Fallopian Tubes. The only thing you have going for you is your DH sperm. All three are bad, if it wasn't for bad luck you wouldn't have any luck. OK. Don't say this shit to a woman on the verge to go completely insane! seriously!!!! then he looked up at me and smiled. OK, normally, I would have imagined myself jumping over the table, grabbing his head and punching him (yes, i don't care how bad this sounds.. .... eff off.. go through what the rest of us infertile women go through and THEN judge...). But I didn't, for some reason his smile and the way he looked at me gave me comfort that everything was going to be okay. He started with the tubes: Obviously, these are damaged. Eggs: My FSH level was high, but my age is my friend right now and we will just need to adjust the protocol to fit this. Uterus: we will do the SonoHSG to check the issue there. Sperm: no problemo! OK - I'm feeling a little better at this point. After MUCH discussion we move to the room where the probe violates you! DH and I go into the room, I do the usual - you know, strip from waist down and sit on the dang table..waiting! Of course DH kept saying "your ass is hanging out"... I said... omg, who cares! he is about to go up the crotch! So our conversation while waiting for RE: DH, I really hope this is good, if he said "oh no" when he looks at the monitor I'm taking a cab home. RE finally comes in, does an internal ultrasound first, checks out the suspicious "double uterus/fibroid" location...then on to the procedure. I'll post about pain between Sono/Hysto later. We see the unknown object in me... a FIBROID...but the best news ever... it is NOT in the cavity, it is NOT touching the uterus wall. OMG.. .I had to hold back the tears right there! I haven't had GOOD news in a LONG time, and I am going to cherish any good news I get! So... with this, I have a new IVF protocol.
SHORT - NO Lupron! I'm going to be doing Aggressive STIMS due to my FSH Level! I call the day I start AF, start meds the day I go (within three days of AF) and within 15 days we will be complete! HOLY Shiiizzzaaaaaa... all these ups and downs and road blocks...and now it's happening! The normal ride home from the clinic is crying, today is the same,...although not a sad cry! everytime I think that this is truly happening... i am starting IVF i start to cry. I have to say I truly think that Jan 4th 2008 has been the best day of my life. Just a little glimpse of hope... and to know that I'll be moving on and by Feb I could be pregnant! WOW...
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Still Waiting...
FINALLY, tomorrow is the next IVF appointment. I feel like it's been a year since our last appointment, and from the last time I got the wonderful (sarcastic) news that my FSH level was HIGH! I've come to understand that this is a LONG process... for anyone getting ready to go through this or going through this... you need to be prepared to hurry up and wait! I hope I get good news tomorrow, but I have come to the conclusion that if my chances for a successful pregnancy is slim, we will begin to look into adoption. This has been a 10 year journey, and I'm ready to become a mom, and what greater experience then adopting a child in need. So... tomorrow will tell...
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