Spotting

Thanks everyone! My self diagnosis of bed rest worked, who needs dr’s? :). Actually, by Saturday afternoon I didn’t have any spotting at all, I think I just had a slight breakdown that morning. I wonder how DH not only puts up with me, but how he hasn’t committed me into the mental ward yet! I think now how I reacted on Saturday and it was slightly C R A Z Y!!!! I think IF I didn’t go through 4 losses and had to go through IVF for this pregnancy, maybe I wouldn’t be so scared over every little thing. I think it takes away from just feeling “happy” with no fear.

I wonder if the fear will ever go away or will I be this way the whole 9 months? I wonder when I became the glass half empty kind of person rather than the glass half full… I never used to be this way. I guess I am used to disappointment, and I’m waiting for it everyday. It’s strange to explain, I’m really not saying I look forward to disappointment, I guess I just feel like preparing myself or getting ready for it and never believing things can be right. So, the spotting led me to freak out and check for all other pregnancy symptoms, and of course they were all “gone” in my mind, is just the way I’m always going to be…