Friday, March 14, 2008
First OB appointment
Yesterday was the happiest day of my life. First, DH is out of town (unfortunately) and I had to go alone to my first OB appointment. I was fine with the whole exam and everything and then came the ultrasound. Up until this point, every u/s has been just a ball or circle, not a defined baby. Well as soon as the picture came up on the monitor, it was a baby! A baby, swimming around, arms were going everywhere, legs were kicking. The nurse was saying “wow – look, you can see the legs and everything” and the dr is saying “ isn’t he a show off, he is moving everywhere” well this entire time I am smiling and crying – but my cry is silent.. then all of a sudden, I couldn’t hold it back. I think every emotion from the time this whole IVF process started came out, I was crying so hard, the kind where you can’t catch your breath and you sound like a five year old, my whole body was shaking. It was the happiest day of my life. The nurse started crying, the student “observer” started crying and the dr. said “okay, I think you’ve got us all crying now”. The she turned the volume up and I heard the heartbeat, while he (or she) was moving all around she typed “hi mom”… and I lost it again. I cried so hard, I haven’t cried that hard in YEARS. They said alright, we’ll leave you alone so you can compose yourself… I’m in the room splashing water on my face thinking OK QUIT CRYING, and then it would start again. I think every emotion came out. I finally quit crying, the dr. came back in and we finished up and I was sent to the lap for 6.. yes SIX vials of blood to be drawn. I get out in my car, and the crying started again – then I talked to my mom – more crying – then I finally got a hold of DH – more crying… then back to work. I can honestly say I have never been so emotional or happy in my life. I have built such a barrier to emotions after each loss, I never dreamed of this feeling. I cant’ imagine how bad I’ll be next time – when I find out if it is a girl or boy.