Saturday, December 15, 2007


Well it's 2007, we decide it's finally the year! We are going to start IVF! We refinanced the house to pay off everything and to have the cash to pay for the procedure. September 07, I set up my first appointment, it's scheduled for Oct 4th. Of course, nothing happens fast. After my initial consultation they want to schedule an HSG! And of course, this can't be done till the next period. After all these years of going through the hell I've been through, of course I can wait a month I tell myself. Finally, October 24th is my scheduled HSG. Results come back fine, can start the IVF process. I make an appointment with the IVF clinic, of course I can't get in until Nov 27th. Kevin and I drive to the clinic, meet with the dr. (who I like a lot!) and hear nothing but positive things. First off, my tubes are the only problem IVF was started for people like me. My chances for success are very high. One try and I should get pregnant. I can't describe how happy I feel. FINALLY after all these years of devastation, it's here! I'm going to start IVF! My dream is finally coming true. Nothing can go wrong, right?!? I have to go home and of course, wait for my period to start the next step. We're going to test Kevin's sperm (just in case) and do some testing on my egg reserve. Shouldn't be a problem, I'm still young. December 11, 2007 Kevin and I go back to the clinic for the tests. He does his "thing" while I go in a room for an internal ultrasound. The dr. comes in and says "did you know you have two uterus'"? I said NO., then he says "well it could be a fibriod", "did they not say anything during your HSG?" Again.. NO! well he takes a zillion pictures while moving that damn probe all around me (NO it does not feel good)! :) Kind of feels like an arm up ya trying to reach up your throat (okay, maybe a little exaggeration) :). So he leaves and asks us to come to his office when I am done getting dressed. We walk around the corner, and there is the dr., his head resting in his arms, staring at the pics. He shakes his head and says, "it's not going to be so easy, we thought it was just the tubes, there is a problem with your uterus". My heart fell. The feelings I have had over the last few weeks just came back down to the lowest, saddest feeling ever. How can one have their hopes crushed in just a few hours?!? The ride home from the clinic was the worst ever. I haven't cried like that since my last ectopic in 2004. That night, my thoughts were nothing but the worst, this isn't going to work, how can we spend all this money now without our chances being good? I decided I can't do anything now but wait. The dr. is going to request my HSG results and give me another test next week. Right now I'm in limbo, just waiting.

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